You Belong With Me
by BlondeOnBlonde34
Summary: A songfic of Taylor Swift's 'You Belong With Me'. Holly is positive Minerva is completley wrong for Artemis. And she also had a good idea of who's perfectly right.
1. Chapter 1

AN: The product of insomnia, and too much Artemis Fowl.

Disclaimer: If I was Eoin Colfer, then Artemis and Holly would be in Brazil with three kids by now.

_You're on the phone with your girlfriend _

_She's upset _

_She's going off about something that you said_

_She doesn't get your humor like I do_

Holly sighed quietly, listening to Artemis' one sided phone conversation. He and Minerva were fighting. Again. They always seemed to be fighting.

"Minerva, it was a joke!" Artemis pleaded. "I meant to say that I have every right to tease you because you hadn't yet read 'On the Road' and then I was going to poke you and smile, but you stormed off!"

There was another pause while Minerva retaliated. Holly pretended to be engrossed in Butler's copy of 'Weaponry Monthly'. She didn't want to have Artemis catch her eavesdropping; as testy as he was about Minerva, he could do something drastic, like cut her off from the fridge. She shuddered at the very thought.

"Look, Min," Artemis said testily. "If it means that much to you, then I'll make it up to you. I'll take you to the Cliffs of Mohair; they're really quite beautiful-" he was cut off by Minerva's shrill voice. He turned away from Holly, and ran a hand through his raven hair.

"You want to go shopping in Paris again?" Pause. "Yes, you know I'd do anything for you, but we've already been three times this past week.

Holly snorted. Poor Artemis. He hated shopping almost as much as he hated France. If she and Artemis were together, she'd go with him to these cliffs of his in an instant, and then she'd take him . . . she shook her head quickly, as if trying to get rid of those thoughts. When did she start thinking about her and Artemis being together?

Artemis was just finishing up the conversation. "Alright, I'll pick you up at ten. Love you too," he finished distractedly, and hung up. He flopped on the bed beside Holly and massaged his temples.

"I f-ing hate f-ing Paris" he cursed softly.

"What was that?" Holly intoned sweetly. She knew just what he'd said, but Artemis so rarely cursed, it was such a gratification when he got caught.

"Nothing," he said too quickly. He rolled over so he was facing the wall.

Holly sat up and propped her chin in her hands. "Why are you still together, if you always agonizing over stuff when you're with her?" she asked

Artemis sighed, but didn't turn to face her. "I'm not sure anymore if it's because I loved her, or if it's ongfbecause she loves me," he said quietly.

Holly bit her lip. She almost wished she hadn't asked. She rolled him over. "Come on, Mud Boy," she said playfully. "Let's go out to the garden. We can explore," she pouted. "Pretty please?"

He smiled that smile that always caused her to wonder if it was just for her. But no; Minerva probably saw it a thousand times a day. But did it cause her breath to hitch in her throat, or the blood to rush to her face, like it always did when Artemis smiled at Holly? Holly was pretty sure it didn't.

Artemis rose gracefully. When did he become gracefully? He offered her a hand that suddenly seemed a lot bigger and stronger then hers. "Let's go," he said, smiling. And she grabbed his hand and allowed herself to be pulled up


	2. Chapter 2

AN: No insomnia this time, but just boredom. Hope you like!

Disclaimer: Not Eoin Colfer.

_I'm in my room, it's a typical Tuesday night _

_I'm listening to the kind of music she doesn't like_

_And she'll never know you story like I do_

Holly was flying. She felt safe when she was flying. No one could catch her, or bother her.

Well, except Foaly.

"Holly, where are you? If you're flying, you're in deep d'arvit, you know that, right? Holly Short, you don't have a clearance! HOLLY!"

She finally located the button that would disconnect her headset. Yes, she wasn't supposed to be above ground. No, she didn't care.

She wasn't sure what was worse about today: the fact it was the anniversary of her mother's death, or that Artemis hated her. Mother's death, obviously. Because she most definitely didn't care what Artemis thought.

She'd gone to his place seeking comfort. She'd taken the shuttle, so not to attract attention. Ha. When had she ever been inconspicuous?

He was sulking, that stupid genius boy sulk that seemed to say 'I don't need nobody." Except Artemis would be aghast to have uttered that phrase, Holly thought wryly. He would prefer it to be, 'I am totally independent of all outside forces.'

When she'd come in, he'd jumped. He usually noticed when she appeared, but not tonight. She was too distraught to realize something had to be wrong with him too.

"Holly, what are you doing here?" he'd asked irritably.

"I need company," she'd replied.

He'd laughed, but it didn't sound like a real laugh, but like a bark. "Then why are you seeking it with me, instead of your other friends, who I'm sure are vastly superior?"

"Artemis, what's wrong?" Holly asked, concerned. "Did you have another fight with Minerva?"

He spun so he wasn't facing her. "My life does not revolve around my girlfriend."

"Well, I wonder how she puts up with you," Holly muttered.

He turned to face her. "What was that?"

"Nothing," she said.

He scoffed. "I've found it's never 'nothing'.

Now she was mad. "You've been acting like a spoiled two year old, you know that?" she said, quite calmly.

He turned red. "You don't need me, so why, then, are you here?"

She was so mad she started to shout. "Of course I need you! What's wrong with you today?" she accused.

He laughed his not-a-laugh again. "Me? I'm not the one who is screaming and acting like a total cretin."

"Well, at least I never lied to you!" She screamed. "I never pretended that you almost killed _my _mother!"

There was a silence. He was pale, even paler than usual. He strode to the Venetian doors she had come in through and pulled them open. "Leave. Now." He commanded. She stalked out trying, not to burst out and act like the cretin he'd labeled her as.

She'd started to cry when she'd gotten up in the air. It was just all too much. 'D'arvit,' she cursed to herself. 'Crivens,' she added, remembering it was a favorite of Trouble's.

She tried to enjoy the night air. They didn't really have signers or anything down in Haven, so she'd learned to listen to other things. The night air was her music. She didn't get enough chances to listen to it.

Minerva hated nature, Holly remembered. She said that the hotness irritated her when it was summer, and that she was always shivering during winter. She preferred air conditioning.

Holly seemed to wonder a thousand times a day what Artemis was still doing with her. She was a bitch, and a brat, and just totally obnoxious. Holly and Artemis would be perfect. She knew all of his quirks, and all of his faces and moods.

But it would never work out. He was a human. She was an elf. Not even the same species. 'Just damn it all,' Holly thought, and flew faster.

_But she wears short skirts_

_I wear t-shirts_

_She's cheer captain _

_And I'm on the bleachers_

_Dreaming 'bout the day _

_When you wake up and find that what you're looking for_

_Has been here this whole time_

If Holly really thought about it, she could see the attraction. Minerva was beautiful. She was up for a noble prize. And Holly bashed people's faces in for money.

Minerva was petite. Holly was a midget. Minerva had long, blonde locks. Holly had red hair that stuck up everywhere ever since she'd decided to try and grow it out. It was really quite obvious. For once, Artemis was acting like a normal teenage boy, and latching onto the nearest pretty face.

"Screw it all," Holly said aloud, and swooped down to skim the sea.

* ~ * ~ * ~ *

Artemis sat near the patio, playing the piano. 'Clair de Lune', wafted out gently through the night air. Until a certain centaur played his trademark card and interrupted.

Artemis' cell phone started to buzz. He quickly picked it up. "Hello?" he croaked.

"Fowl?" Foaly came through worriedly. "Is Holly with you?"

Artemis' stomach dropped. "No," he said, struggling to keep his composure. "I thought she was home by now."

"By now? BY NOW?! She doesn't have a clearance!" Foaly shouted.

"Well, then, she apparently made a faulty decision," Artemis said calmly. No one could know how much he cared for Holly. It would ruin her.

Foaly sighed. "Well, guess you can't blame the kid, with her mother and all," he said sadly.

"Holly's mother has been dead for years, Foaly, what are you talking about?"

Foaly made a little 'oh' sound, all his breath seeming to rush out in that little syllable, "You don't know, then," he said.

Artemis was getting irritated. Although that seemed to be his default mood, that and mopey. "What am I supposed to know?" he said tersely.

"Ah, well, I thought she would have told you."

"Foaly, as much as I appreciate your sense of drama, do I make myself clear when I say now is not the time?"

"Fine," Foaly snapped, "Today's the anniversary of her mother's death. Happy now?" And then he disconnected the line.

Artemis still sat at the piano, but no longer played. He'd been awful to Holly, and she was just coming to him for comfort. He was an awful person, and an awful friend.

Friend. He mulled over the word in his head. He'd known for a long time that Holly was more than a friend to him, but he'd never done anything to tell her how he felt. It would compromise her entire future if anyone down below found out, and he couldn't do that to her. He'd spent so much of his life being selfish, but she was more important than anything.

Then there was Minerva. He would always respect her, and like her as a friend. Sometimes he felt what he'd felt in the beginning, when she was beautiful to him and made everything else just as beautiful. But often enough he felt shame at making her believe that he still loved, even though most of those feelings had fled. But, as they say, if you can't be with the one you love, than love the one you're with.

He reached to turn out the light, and maybe get some sleep tonight.


	3. Chapter 3

AN: I'm trying not to think how long it's been since I updated. I totally suck.

Disclaimer: INEC (I'm not Eoin Colfer)

_Can't you see that I'm the one who understands you?_

_Been here all along _

_Why can't you see?_

_You belong with me_

" . . . And then, she told me that Chanel heels were ugly, and of course I had to defend Coco, because she's so classic . . ."

Artemis had tuned Minerva out several minutes ago, and was concentrating on his copy of 'War and Peace' in the original Russian. He vaguely recalled Minerva was talking about Paris. Or clothes. Or maybe crepes, he didn't know.

"Arty! Are you listening?"

Artemis snapped to attention. He hated it when she called him Arty. Only some people could use that name, like his mother and Juliet and . . . other people.

"Minerva, you started to prattle, and you know how difficult it is to concentrate when I'm not familiar with the subject matter." Which was a downright lie, but, despite her large IQ, Minerva was not what one would call emotionally sensitive. Or a people person. Or even a good person.

"God, Arty, I know you don't know how to act around girls with class, but you could at least make an effort." Minerva snapped. She was so unattractive when she was being unkind. Which was most of the time.

Artemis went back to his book for several moments, until the full meaning of her words sunk in. "I'm not quite sure what you mean by girls with class," he asked Minerva, who was currently sulking.

"Oh, you know," she said airily. "The only other girl you're caught dead with is that short redhead, and . . . well, you know."

Artemis was getting annoyed. No, not upset. Not angry, either! Just mildly annoyed. Right. "I don't think it's your place to make judgments on whom I choose to befriend," he said quietly. When Artemis Fowl got quiet, you know things were turning ugly.

Minerva wrinkled her nose. "I don't feel like going into it," she said, and for once, would say no more.

They sat in slightly awkward silence for several minutes. Artemis tried to read his book, Minerva fussed with her hair.

"Holly is my best friend," Artemis said after a while. "And I'd appreciate you not making snide comments about her." At this point, Artemis stopped hiding how angry he was with Minerva.

"I'll make comments on whomever I choose," Minerva retorted. Always self- righteous.

Artemis stood up and shrugged. It was a causal gesture, and he knew that was the appropriate thing in this situation. The modern teen book Mother insisted he read said so. "That's your prerogative. Mine is to finish this book in peace." Artemis didn't mention he'd read it twice before.

Minerva didn't protest. She knew he'd come back later, begging for her to forgive him. She simply stalked out of the room, clutching her copy of 'Vogue'. And with a toss of blonde hair, and the slam of a door, she was finally gone.

If Artemis was a typical teenager, he would have fallen back on his bad with a sigh. Possibly turned his angry rocker music louder. But Artemis Fowl was not a typical teenager. Instead, he sat down, and attempted to read 'War and Peace'. Which was a great summary for his relationship with . . . well, everyone.

Being with Minerva was easy. Or, at least, it used to be easy. It was so simple to make her the villain, the great obstacle in the way of his and Holly's all consuming love. If they had an all consuming love. Which they didn't. He might . . . it didn't matter what he might, or might not. But honestly, that role would be giving Minerva too much credit. She was a bit player, standing off to the side, with an occasional line thrown in to remind the audience she hadn't died.

Holly was the heroine, he was absolutely positive. And once upon a time, he would have classified himself as the villain, wearing a black top hat and twirling his mustache. Now he wished he could be the hero on the white horse. But he was somewhere in between. The anti- hero, he supposed. The dark, lost soul.

Holly had been there for everything. She didn't hate him, even though she should. Minerva would hate him for the stupidest things sometimes, but Holly would never hate him.

There was a soft tap at his window. His heart sped up and he was hoping it wasn't her. But of course it was. Who else could reach his window? He chuckled at the irony, as Holly was the shortest . . . being he knew.

He stood up and opened the French doors. Highly unpractical, he knew, but if any unwanted visitors came around, there were sniper rifles on the roof. And they were so beautiful and let in enough light to read by in the evenings.

And she was there. She looked almost nervous. Her hair and grown out, and brushed her collarbone. She was slightly muddy, and wearing an unflattering jumpsuit. She was utterly beautiful.

"I wanted to apologize," she blurted out. "For that night."

He wished he had to rack his mind more to remember it. But that, while it wouldn't stay forever imprinted in his memory, was still a dull ache. The way he had acted, how he'd been rude to her. Thrown her out. All because she was sad and scared and lonely, and he didn't know how to deal with that.

"I should apologize too," he said. "I was out of line and rude."

She smiled up at him. "Trade your apology for mine, and we call it fair."

"Deal," he said, with one of his rare smiles. "After all, all's fair in love and war."

AN: Ta-der! I know it's supposed to be ta-da. I'm just shaking up the groove.


	4. Chapter 4

AN: This chapter in entirely due to 'TAC' coming out. Because let me tell you, I wasn't happy. Your declarations of love were definitely not up to par, Arty! Shame! Anywho, thanks so much to Rosy for inspiration and encouragement

Disclaimer: It really gets old trying to think of pithy things to say in these. I wish I was Oscar Wilde

****

_Walking the streets with you and your worn out jeans_

_I can't help thinking this is how it ought to be_

_Laughing on a park bench thinking to myself_

_Hey isn't this easy_

When Foaly was bored at work, he rarely gave into the bottomless hole of solitaire. No, that was a deep and dark addiction that took years to recover from. Instead, he just spied on people. No one he knew, generally, since Caballine threatened to divorce him (hopefully playfully) when she found a camera in the shower, which was obviously for her own protection. Some people could be so unappreciative of the lengths he went to to keep them safe.

Which is exactly how he justified watching Holly and Artemis' not-a-date.

It was not a date for several reasons. First, the presence of the ever insufferable Minerva. Secondly, forbidden love, outcast from society, goddamn he hated 'Twilight', the terrible circumstances which convened to keep them apart. And lastly, Holly and Artemis? Please. He kidnapped her, he lied to her, and she was grudgingly his friend for reasons beyond Foaly. It was just- just NO.

They were simply walking down a street that was hopefully not made of actual cobblestones (What the hell are cobblestones anyway? Mudmen are so uselessly complicated), in some Irish town that Foaly couldn't be bothered to remember the name of. Artemis was in one of his suits and Holly had used a little magic to make herself less of a midget. It wasn't adorable, or cute, or constituting for Minerva flying into a jealous rage (Which she would). It was just Holly and Artemis, walking.

Instead of Foaly finding profound meaning in the joy of just being with someone, he got bored. The centaur quickly switched to his second favorite hobby: trolling YouTube for fairy magic videos, so he could erase them. That, and LOLcats.

He found one of a flying spaceship that looked suspiciously like a Frisbee, a video that carefully explained why the moon landing was staged, and a series of flying cats. After watching one where the cats were put into various humorous costumes, he saw a link that was too tempting to resist: 'Dwarf making out in a gorilla cage, WTF, super lulz'.

Foaly could never resist lulz, super or not, so he clicked the link. Some grainy footage that looked like a security tape started rolling. Or, not rolling. Outdated Mudman terminology.

It was still a good view, as the camera had been put directly in the cage since the gorilla had been deemed extremely dangerous. A boy about eighteen years lay on the floor (Foaly new that by eighteen Mudboys became Mudmen, but please. Eighteen was ridiculously young even for humans.) A very small person- wait, that wasn't a person. Foaly paused and zeroed in. Yep, pointy ears. Elf.

So, the elf kneeled next to the boy, who appeared to be unconscious. When he opened to strangely mismatched eyes, the elf- wait a second. Foaly paused and zeroed in again. One blue and one hazel. Oh no. OhNo OhNo OhNo.

The second the Mudboy- ohgodpleasedon'tletthatbeArtemis- woke up, the elf flung herself on him. When she pried herself off, they stared at each other; the elf- who he now noticed wore a LEPrecon jumpsuit- smoothing back the boy's black hair (d'arvit), until they brought their lips together and- OH GOD IT BURNS.

Foaly had closed his eyes at this point. There was no doubt the Mudboy was Artemis, and what other elf would kiss him besides his best friend, who was now, according to Foaly, certifiably insane? I mean, there's a reason only Minerva would go out with him.

Foaly had two options. One, go throw up in the little ponies room and scrub this from his memory. Two-

Foaly whinny/sighed irritably. He couldn't believe he was doing this.

Picking up his communicator, he punched in a speed dial. "Hello, you overgrown mudman. There's something you really need to see."

****

_You've got a smile that can light up this whole town_

_I haven't seen it in a while since she brought you down_

_You say you're fine I know you better than that_

_Hey watcha doing with a girl like that_

Butler had recently purchased a laptop in an attempt to keep hold of Juliet while she was trying to be a wrestler. He hadn't yet dissuaded her, but at least he knew that the people who pissed her off weren't lying dead in a ditch.

He attempted to load that Skype program that he thought could track the exact whereabouts of his baby sister, but had proved grossly inadequate. Still, it was helpful for making calls underground.

He searched his three person contact directory, and quickly found who he was looking for. But he didn't call. He wasn't sure he was mentally sufficient to trick his mind into thinking there was ever a good reason for calling 'CexyCentaur'. Luckily, the 'cexy' centaur in question called him first.

"I will never understand how you get wireless underground," Butler rumbled.

"The time for barbs is later, dude. We have a situation."

Butler closed his eyes, glad Foaly could fully appreciate the gesture. "Rephrase that last sentence, and I'll consider taking this seriously."

"There is a video on YouTube," said Foaly slowly is if speaking to someone mentally challenged. "That is possibly the worst thing to ever happen to me personally, and most likely you, and the people you hold near and dear."

Butler's heart rate spread up. "Foaly, the people haven't been exposed, have they?"

Foaly gave a laugh that attempted to be bitter, but in reality started out as a neigh and ended up worse. "Oh, no. This is much worse."

Butler's hands worked fast across the keyboard. "What's it called?"

Foaly cleared his throat. "'Dwarf making out in a gorilla cage, WTF, super lulz.'"

Butler stopped typing. "You cannot be serious."

Foaly nodded. "Afraid so, Mudman."

"I'm not sure which is the worse part, the dwarf or the gorilla, and I have no idea what a lulz is."

Foaly started to chuckle, then remembered the dire circumstances they were in. But it was almost worth it to hear the body guard say lulz.

"Just type, Mudman. It's worth it. Or rather, not." Foaly really needed to spend more time thinking up sinister comments

Butler resumed his typing. Unsurprisingly, there was only one result with that particular name.

As the video loaded, he eyed the centaur suspiciously. "Foaly, if this is a joke, I will personally drill through whatever bedrock it takes to get to Haven, and then beat you to death with a shovel."

"A vague disclaimer is no one's friend," added Foaly. "But no. This is of dire importance."

"I wish you'd stop reading the dictionary, looking for intelligent sounding words," put in Butler before the video started.

Foaly thought the Mudman took it rather stoically, as he didn't make a noise throughout the entire clip. When it ended, he leaned back, and didn't say a word.

Foaly hated people showing signs of maturity. "So?" he prompted.

"Was that Artemis and . . . Holly?" Butler said with some difficulty.

"None other," said Foaly almost cheerfully.

"Well." said Butler.

"That's it? 'Well'? Your charge is making out with my captain, and all you have is a 'well'?"

"It does explain why he's always been miserable with Minerva."

Foaly snorted loudly. "That, and she's a heartless bi- anshee," he finished lamely.

Butler thought more deeply than usual. Artemis had lost his spark, as rare and unsettling as it was, since Minerva became a permanent fixture in his life. He had never been one for sharing, a fact many psychiatrists across Ireland were sadly aware of, but usually his immense vocabulary usually managed better than the "I'm fine" that had become standard. And Holly, despite his flaws, did make him happy.

"Maybe we should get them together." Butler said unexpectedly.

If Foaly had been drinking anything, it would have been sprayed across his computer screen. "But- Holly- Artemis- GAH." He said eloquently.

Butler arched an eyebrow, a trick he'd been practicing recently. "They make each other happy."

Foaly shook his head adamantly. "Not good enough, Mudman."

"There's a possibility you'll get to humiliate Minerva, perhaps even publically." No one was sure where Foaly's deep and unexpected hatred of the heiress had come from, only that it was a great motivational factor for anything from coffee trips to world domination.

A smile spread across Foaly's face that, unlike any other of his dramatic gestures, could really be described as evil. "I'm in."

****

AN: Sorry if Foaly or Butler are OOC, they're surprisingly difficult to write. But still, so glad I got that out! If you can guess any of the references, you get a free review! Speaking of . . . **eyes slide downwards**


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